Yesterday I was owning up to having been tagged, but today I am merely stealing an idea from Alicia, of all people. She posted an overview of her astrological sign, highlighting those passages that pertained more specifically to her from her perspective and then adding a brief commentary at the end. She is a Capricorn, like my younger step-daughter, Jordan and my college friend, Fran. Grounded and practical to a fault. They are good listeners. Give pretty good advice as a rule. And can cut you to a quick with lightening speed. Good traits all really in my opinion. They are not adventurous though. Whereas I am Luke Skywalker, they are Yoda (no pun or offense, Fran - the comparison has nothing to do with height. And happy belated birthday, by the way).
Because I love astrology and believe that these general descriptors do tend to describe us better than we would like, I looked up mine. I am a sagittarius with sagittarius rising. A double whammy.
Sagittarius is undoubtedly one of the most positive of the star signs. You were born under the ninth sign, which is ruled by Jupiter. Jupiter’s traditional name was Jove, hence your jovial attitude. Pollyanna. Rose-colored glasses. The sun’ll come up tomorrow which is, of course, another day.
You’re extremely confident in whatever you do. Being one of the luckiest signs, fortune seems to favour you, whether you plan things or not. That’s also the reason you don’t mind taking the odd risk or two. You feel as if you can’t possibly lose. This almost cocky attitude is something that attracts people to you. Confidence is an acquired thing and it’s all relative in my case. Luck? Depends on your point of view.
You’re also very enthusiastic, and this is contagious — people can’t help but feel the same way in your presence. I can be enthusiastic. It doesn’t always inspire others to be so too. Sometimes it just pisses them off.
Because people like you so much, they want to help you achieve your goals. But sometimes your life objectives are colossal — those arrows seem to shoot much further than the eye can see. Your philosophy is to bite off more than you can chew and then chew as fast as you can. I am pretty good at bringing people around to my way of thinking, but as my mother would say, it’s because she is so sly. Chewing as fast as I can? Okay, I will own that too.
People around you will sometimes feel that you’re overly ambitious, and that your aims are pie in the sky. This is not likely to change you: you’d always rather aim high and take on the adventure of life than get to the end of the road regretting that you didn’t have a good go at making your dreams come true. Overly ambitious? Is that the same thing as not knowing my place? Or taking the advice of my elders? If it is, then it’s true. I don’t do either well or sometimes at all. I wasn’t always in favor of chasing dreams because the Catholic school girl and Iowan sensibilities can be hard to overcome but anymore I think that my life is too short and getting shorter all the time to defer. There is a poem about dreams deferred by Langston Hughes:
What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?
One of your primary lessons in life will be related to this. You will need to learn that there are limits to what you’re capable of, and how to recognize them. Making sure your goals are actually practical enough to be achieved is another side of this one. Limitations and practicality. Good thing I am married to an earth sign. All joking aside, I learned this over and over in the last few years. But I also pushed myself like I have never done before - so it’s all relative really.
You have a great sense of timing, and know just when to make your move. This is because Sagittarius also governs knowledge, wisdom and spirituality. You know you can trust your gut feeling, so call on it when you need it. Sometimes I just know things. I have always been that way. I don’t feel a need to second guess when these things present. That other people don’t understand isn’t my concern.
Personal growth and understanding is a key aspect of your personality. You hate the idea of waltzing blindly through life without understanding — or finding — its meaning. This seems like a bit of a contradiction, because you’re quite a party animal too, but you do have this deeper side to your character. I have to take exception to the party animal thing. Except for a brief party girl phase in college, I don’t think I could be accused of being shallow very easily. Maybe because my moon is in either Virgo or Taurus. Can’t remember which.
So you’re constantly looking for meaning in your life, trying to figure out what makes the world tick, and planning and dreaming about how you can extract the maximum benefit from your time here. This is vitally important to you, so you’ll go to great lengths to find what you’re searching for.
Your totem, the Centaur, which is half man and half beast, describes you and the way you live your life perfectly. The Centaur has a bow and arrow and is aiming at the sky. This is you to a T. High ambitions.
Because you are so positive, you see the possibilities as endless. You never take no for an answer, and you always see the cup as half full, not half empty. Adventure is your second name, and you will have a strong desire to travel and seek out new experiences. Visiting different countries and exploring diverse cultures will add to your all-round happiness. This curiosity also comes with a dose of restlessness, though.
You have a genuine interest in getting to the truth and be part of whatever environment you’re in, but you are easily bored if the mental stimulation is missing. This is especially true when we put ‘Sagittarius’ in the same sentence as ‘relationship’.
Lots of people don’t get where you’re coming from. You’re serious about relationships, but you need a ton of stimulation and variety to keep love alive. You love to flirt and show off, but you need to be careful with this — if you’re in a relationship it will cause problems. I am Enigma. Well, not really if you are paying attention but that’s just it. Most people don’t. Only a few will slow down enough to parse you out and it took me a long time to realize this but I am happier for it today.
You love freedom, and this applies to relationships, your family situation and your work: you hate anyone tying you down. It’s as if you’re Peter Pan and want to stay forever young and free. You’ll need to balance this passion for independence with some responsibility and commitment sooner or later. Responsibility is my middle name. Always has been, but I am not a follower and hate being told anything. I never wanted to be young though. I have spent my life wishing to be older than I am. I don’t think that really stopped until I hit my middle thirties and actually became pleased with the age I was when I was. I still like being my age.
You’re a gambler in life, with money as well as with relationships, but you always seem to land on your feet. Even when you lose, which you do from time to time, your light-hearted and optimistic nature means you believe you’ll get it together again soon, without any trouble. And strangely, that’s usually true. Nope, sorry. Gambling on anything outside of your control is stupid and I hate losing.
Your independent and free nature, though it’s one of your biggest assets, could cause you some difficulties. You are likely to expect everyone you come into contact to give you the freedom you want. People around you have to learn that this is an absolutely basic requirement for you.
At work, if you’re not allowed to make choices about how you do your work, you won’t work at your best. You rely very much on yourself, and if your employers give you a free hand, you’ll do great work — people will see this side of your personality at its best. Micro-managing makes me insane and is probably the chief reason I am glad to be out of teaching right now. A boss who micromanages, in my opinion, does so because he or she is insecure in their leadership abilities. They are the worst type of people to work for but strangely end up in charge an often lot.
We said earlier that Jupiter is psychic, and that you have keen foresight. That sixth sense is behind many of the decisions you make, and the more you trust that higher power, the more rewarding your life will be. Your decisions will usually be correct. Like I said earlier, sometimes I just know things.
Overall, you see life as a challenge, but also as a grand adventure in which you must play your part fearlessly. Nothing much will hold you back, and even when the odd adversity arises you’ll see it as part of your learning curve and accept it with a smile. I am not always smiling but otherwise - all true.
This was a neat exercise. Somewhat introspective as well. My astrological outlook for last year and this coming one was quite good, but then I am due - I think - for an extended run of good years.
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Friday, January 4, 2008
Wisdom: Our Legacy to our Children
I was hoping that when Alicia spelled out the rules to her recent game of blog topic tag - being that there were to be no general tagging of all readers and that you needed to tag people by name - that I would easily avoid this topic. I never get tagged by name. I am not a inner circle person. I just read blogs and comment as the spirit moves me and blissfully avoid much in the process. But, Marsha - you rebel child you - tagged all her readers and thus I was caught.
The topic came from The Daily MEME which is a blog for bloggers who need ideas or topics or just about anything blog. I checked the site out and though I haven’t used anything there myself, I am going to recommend it to at my next writer’s group meeting because there are a few people who have expressed interest in blogging and several others who are old-school journal keepers and might find it useful.
Since Marsha broke the rules to begin with I am going to venture further out onto the limb and change the structure of the topic a bit. There were all sorts of lists to be considered and filled in. What do you want your children to know before they grown up? What do you want them to know about you? Etc. Etc. as the King would say to Anna. It was too daunting and seemed a bit redundant. So here is my version.
Things I want my Daughter and Step-daughters to know
before they are middle-aged women Like Me.
1) You are beautiful. Believe it. Live it. Ignore styles and trends and beauty advice of all kinds unless it concerns skin care (because you are all fair and need to take care in that respect). Too tall, too thin, too short, too fat? Only if you think so and thinking so and agonizing over anything that you have no control over is a waste of time and will cause wrinkles. Happy people accept themselves physically and only seek to change aspects of themselves for themselves alone.
2) Establish good credit early and never be without a credit card in your own name alone. Women are sadly screwed when they marry and join their finances with their mates. Be wary to not let your credit history as a single person in your own right disappear because you will have a devil of a time re-establishing it.
3) A good education is one of the most important things you will ever give yourselves. Don’t throw away educational opportunities and never let financing be the reason you don’t pursue advanced schooling (college, university, graduate school). Your dad and I may not be keen on funding a backpacking trips across Europe, but we would not say “no” out of hand to the idea of you furthering your education.
4) Be inflexible when it comes to your value system. Don’t compromise it to be liked or loved.
5) Don’t expect love to fix you but don’t walk away from the opportunity just because the package it arrives in doesn’t match your imagination.
6) Be honest, but not in a mean way if you can help it (and on occasion you can’t.)
7) Know that I love you even when you are making me crazy, or I disagree with your choices.
8) See as much of the world as you have an opportunity to when you are young.
9) Don’t marry before you are thirty. Give yourself a chance to get over all the Disney princess notions (Katy) of love. Love is wonderful but it isn’t a fairy tale.
10) Remember that the glass is really half-full (or just poorly designed as your dad would say).
11) Be fair.
12) Don’t prejudge but remember that leopards can’t/don’t change their spots.
13) Be a good friend but not a doormat.
14) Finally, when I am very old and can’t see well enough to notice, please pluck the stray hairs that are growing on my chin. (I had to add this because my mother made me promise the same thing.)
Probably not the greatest or most comprehension list ever. It’s not even profound in any sense, but I have come to realize in all the years I have taught, and in the few I have parented, that kids by and large grow up to be who you raised them to be even when you take into account their own particular personalities.
The topic came from The Daily MEME which is a blog for bloggers who need ideas or topics or just about anything blog. I checked the site out and though I haven’t used anything there myself, I am going to recommend it to at my next writer’s group meeting because there are a few people who have expressed interest in blogging and several others who are old-school journal keepers and might find it useful.
Since Marsha broke the rules to begin with I am going to venture further out onto the limb and change the structure of the topic a bit. There were all sorts of lists to be considered and filled in. What do you want your children to know before they grown up? What do you want them to know about you? Etc. Etc. as the King would say to Anna. It was too daunting and seemed a bit redundant. So here is my version.
Things I want my Daughter and Step-daughters to know
before they are middle-aged women Like Me.
1) You are beautiful. Believe it. Live it. Ignore styles and trends and beauty advice of all kinds unless it concerns skin care (because you are all fair and need to take care in that respect). Too tall, too thin, too short, too fat? Only if you think so and thinking so and agonizing over anything that you have no control over is a waste of time and will cause wrinkles. Happy people accept themselves physically and only seek to change aspects of themselves for themselves alone.
2) Establish good credit early and never be without a credit card in your own name alone. Women are sadly screwed when they marry and join their finances with their mates. Be wary to not let your credit history as a single person in your own right disappear because you will have a devil of a time re-establishing it.
3) A good education is one of the most important things you will ever give yourselves. Don’t throw away educational opportunities and never let financing be the reason you don’t pursue advanced schooling (college, university, graduate school). Your dad and I may not be keen on funding a backpacking trips across Europe, but we would not say “no” out of hand to the idea of you furthering your education.
4) Be inflexible when it comes to your value system. Don’t compromise it to be liked or loved.
5) Don’t expect love to fix you but don’t walk away from the opportunity just because the package it arrives in doesn’t match your imagination.
6) Be honest, but not in a mean way if you can help it (and on occasion you can’t.)
7) Know that I love you even when you are making me crazy, or I disagree with your choices.
8) See as much of the world as you have an opportunity to when you are young.
9) Don’t marry before you are thirty. Give yourself a chance to get over all the Disney princess notions (Katy) of love. Love is wonderful but it isn’t a fairy tale.
10) Remember that the glass is really half-full (or just poorly designed as your dad would say).
11) Be fair.
12) Don’t prejudge but remember that leopards can’t/don’t change their spots.
13) Be a good friend but not a doormat.
14) Finally, when I am very old and can’t see well enough to notice, please pluck the stray hairs that are growing on my chin. (I had to add this because my mother made me promise the same thing.)
Probably not the greatest or most comprehension list ever. It’s not even profound in any sense, but I have come to realize in all the years I have taught, and in the few I have parented, that kids by and large grow up to be who you raised them to be even when you take into account their own particular personalities.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Family
Just when it seems we have enough familial dysfunction, we marry, inviting a whole new set of relatives onto the playing field.
With Will I was embarrassed at first about the state of what made up my immediate family. He assured me that I had nothing to worry about and after I met his family I would understand why. And I did. My family looked like the Waltons next to his and as I got to know them I realized that the relative normality of my family in comparison to his was a selling point for him.
Rob’s visiting sister reminds me of a cross between my own youngest sister and my late husband’s mother because like them, she needs the mess that is her life. The chaos. The uncertainty. The failure. The isolation. It feeds some basic need. Like them too, she is a turn on the dime type emotionally. So though I was prepared for the worst, we got pleasant and conversational last evening when Rob brought her home. Her. Not the kids. They were at the Super 8 over near the gym where I work out. It seems they were in need of “real” food to eat and unrestricted cable television access. I am guessing here but a day on foot probably didn’t go over well and the hotel was some kind of material “I’m sorry” but that would just be a guess based on my years as a public school teacher. I worked with a lot of families similar to theirs.
She was gone bright and early today and will be staying at the hotel tonight too. We have plans to meet them for dinner out (never high on my list of things to do anymore because of the whole not being able to eat much that is on the menu thing) and then they will take off back to Regina on Saturday morning.
I spent some of the afternoon today re-telling this tale to a friend after we’d taken our kids sliding, and she told me a bit about her siblings. Then her husband got up to get ready to go to his job - as he is working nights this week - and added a story or two about his own family. Perhaps the “good kids” in each family are programmed to look for each other in the wide world and form families. Social Darwinism in action? But I wouldn’t want to presume and call myself the good child. I just paid attention and learned my lessons and everyone else’s too.
The important thing tonight is that our home is now ours again and we won’t be making the extended visitor mistake again. I am not sure what it is that makes us think that people we didn’t get along with as children will make for great friends or guests when we are adults. Perhaps it is a Walton thing. We are fed images of families that love and bond no matter the differences in their natures and world views and we think that could be us. I think it works that way naturally for some as time tempers them and their memories but not for most.
With Will I was embarrassed at first about the state of what made up my immediate family. He assured me that I had nothing to worry about and after I met his family I would understand why. And I did. My family looked like the Waltons next to his and as I got to know them I realized that the relative normality of my family in comparison to his was a selling point for him.
Rob’s visiting sister reminds me of a cross between my own youngest sister and my late husband’s mother because like them, she needs the mess that is her life. The chaos. The uncertainty. The failure. The isolation. It feeds some basic need. Like them too, she is a turn on the dime type emotionally. So though I was prepared for the worst, we got pleasant and conversational last evening when Rob brought her home. Her. Not the kids. They were at the Super 8 over near the gym where I work out. It seems they were in need of “real” food to eat and unrestricted cable television access. I am guessing here but a day on foot probably didn’t go over well and the hotel was some kind of material “I’m sorry” but that would just be a guess based on my years as a public school teacher. I worked with a lot of families similar to theirs.
She was gone bright and early today and will be staying at the hotel tonight too. We have plans to meet them for dinner out (never high on my list of things to do anymore because of the whole not being able to eat much that is on the menu thing) and then they will take off back to Regina on Saturday morning.
I spent some of the afternoon today re-telling this tale to a friend after we’d taken our kids sliding, and she told me a bit about her siblings. Then her husband got up to get ready to go to his job - as he is working nights this week - and added a story or two about his own family. Perhaps the “good kids” in each family are programmed to look for each other in the wide world and form families. Social Darwinism in action? But I wouldn’t want to presume and call myself the good child. I just paid attention and learned my lessons and everyone else’s too.
The important thing tonight is that our home is now ours again and we won’t be making the extended visitor mistake again. I am not sure what it is that makes us think that people we didn’t get along with as children will make for great friends or guests when we are adults. Perhaps it is a Walton thing. We are fed images of families that love and bond no matter the differences in their natures and world views and we think that could be us. I think it works that way naturally for some as time tempers them and their memories but not for most.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
It's a Martyr Thing
It’s a bit past eight in the morning. Katy is still sleeping and I have the house to myself. If you have been following my in-law saga - now in it’s sixth day - you will remember that my sister-in-law and her teens are stranded here due to a car breakdown on New Year’s Eve day. Well, it’s a martyr thing. Last evening sis-in-law emerged from meek pity-seeking mode to reveal a more action oriented one. With it came a bit of snarkiness and the ridiculous idea that the best way for the car situation and her “imposing” issues to be solved would be to go into town with Rob this morning and have him drop her off. She and the teens (yes, she dragged them along) will spend the day on foot trying to find someone to fix their vehicle. And okay, it’s not a big town by any stretch of the imagination. You could probably walk from one end to the other in 30 minutes at a good clip. Crossing the highway to the shopping area isn’t too dangerous either. But the repair shops are not near each other and it would have been easier to have Rob drop of the keys at the OK Tire he originally towed the car to and had the owner call sis-in-law with a prognosis and estimate. Providing that he could get to it today. It’s the day after a holiday and Canadians are very serious about their holidays and time off in general. Add to that the rather severe worker shortage - skilled workers especially - and all I can envision is sis-in-law walking the length and breath of the Fort today with two recalcitrant children in tow and being basically told to come back tomorrow (or god forbid Friday). Did I mention that the sun is barely up here and it’s well below 0 celsius? With wind too.
The thing is that I have seen this. When sympathy doesn’t arrive and it becomes apparent that people expect you to do something more pro-active on your own behalf than simply bemoan your fate and play the widow card, half-baked plans like this are the result. Win. lose or draw, when they arrive back here later today they all will be cloaked heavily in the grievous air of martyr-hood, having been “forced” to spend the day tramping about on foot like poor relations because I didn’t want to spend my day playing taxi-cab. And this is what irritates me most of all. I will look like the bad person and in every re-telling of the tale, I will come out worse and worse.
I have been here before with Will’s mother. I was telling Rob last night, after I retreated to our bedroom to read and try to find Zen somewhere, that this whole affair was reminding me too much of the last month Will was in hospice two years ago. His mother had everyone tip-toeing around and letting her have her way in all things because of the sorry state of her life and overall appearance. Even I was expected to give precedence to her and it rankled. Still does. When I had eaten past my fill of being denied time alone with my husband, I asked that she not be around when I visited which only intensified the martyr act. Poor mother-in-law to have such a cruel and heartless woman for a daughter-in-law and she would being her litany of complaints against me never once hinting at the fact that our poor relationship might have been her doing. Rob reminded me that this is my house and I needn’t make myself scarce or stay out of his sister’s way to keep peace, but I reminded him that my being the wife of the dying man hadn’t made a difference two years ago either.
I have worked with kids in at-risk programs several times over the course of my teaching career. When you do this you end up doing a fair amount of counseling and my counselor friends were always telling me I should consider looking into the career full-time because I was good at it. I always shrugged the suggestions off because I am too problem-solving oriented and have only a limited amount of sympathy/empathy for those who refuse to see logic or help themselves even the tiniest bit. That, is what they told, is what made me good. Counseling is not consoling. It’s about helping people help themselves to the best of their ability. It’s not about aiding and abetting self-defeatism or feeding someone’s need to play the role of the cursed or downtrodden. I used to get in trouble on the widow board for doing the same thing. Offering solutions (and occasionally a kick in the pants) instead of tea and pity. I understand that someone fresh to a bad situation needs special consideration, but my mother-in-law was twenty some years into her widowed pity party and Rob’s sister is going on eight years herself. I don’t buy into the idea that grieving is the be-all end-all and should take as long as it takes. Both these women had/have children who they dragged/are dragging down with them. And they are not dumb. Or helpless -they just prefer that because playing the poor me thing will sucker enough people to keep them from having to do something themselves.
I might be pleasantly surprised by what walks in the door later today but the realist in me thinks I am closer to the mark with my original prediction. Let’s just hope in the meantime that the car is fixable and some mechanic has time for it today.
The thing is that I have seen this. When sympathy doesn’t arrive and it becomes apparent that people expect you to do something more pro-active on your own behalf than simply bemoan your fate and play the widow card, half-baked plans like this are the result. Win. lose or draw, when they arrive back here later today they all will be cloaked heavily in the grievous air of martyr-hood, having been “forced” to spend the day tramping about on foot like poor relations because I didn’t want to spend my day playing taxi-cab. And this is what irritates me most of all. I will look like the bad person and in every re-telling of the tale, I will come out worse and worse.
I have been here before with Will’s mother. I was telling Rob last night, after I retreated to our bedroom to read and try to find Zen somewhere, that this whole affair was reminding me too much of the last month Will was in hospice two years ago. His mother had everyone tip-toeing around and letting her have her way in all things because of the sorry state of her life and overall appearance. Even I was expected to give precedence to her and it rankled. Still does. When I had eaten past my fill of being denied time alone with my husband, I asked that she not be around when I visited which only intensified the martyr act. Poor mother-in-law to have such a cruel and heartless woman for a daughter-in-law and she would being her litany of complaints against me never once hinting at the fact that our poor relationship might have been her doing. Rob reminded me that this is my house and I needn’t make myself scarce or stay out of his sister’s way to keep peace, but I reminded him that my being the wife of the dying man hadn’t made a difference two years ago either.
I have worked with kids in at-risk programs several times over the course of my teaching career. When you do this you end up doing a fair amount of counseling and my counselor friends were always telling me I should consider looking into the career full-time because I was good at it. I always shrugged the suggestions off because I am too problem-solving oriented and have only a limited amount of sympathy/empathy for those who refuse to see logic or help themselves even the tiniest bit. That, is what they told, is what made me good. Counseling is not consoling. It’s about helping people help themselves to the best of their ability. It’s not about aiding and abetting self-defeatism or feeding someone’s need to play the role of the cursed or downtrodden. I used to get in trouble on the widow board for doing the same thing. Offering solutions (and occasionally a kick in the pants) instead of tea and pity. I understand that someone fresh to a bad situation needs special consideration, but my mother-in-law was twenty some years into her widowed pity party and Rob’s sister is going on eight years herself. I don’t buy into the idea that grieving is the be-all end-all and should take as long as it takes. Both these women had/have children who they dragged/are dragging down with them. And they are not dumb. Or helpless -they just prefer that because playing the poor me thing will sucker enough people to keep them from having to do something themselves.
I might be pleasantly surprised by what walks in the door later today but the realist in me thinks I am closer to the mark with my original prediction. Let’s just hope in the meantime that the car is fixable and some mechanic has time for it today.
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