We have been promising Katy a hike and a picnic lunch in the nearby Elk Island Park for some time, but until this week, it has been far too cold. Friday the weather turned and though not as warm as some of you in the southern 48 might think it should be to hearld the coming of spring, it has felt mighty good up here. Today we decided to skip our usually Sunday afternoon skating at the Moyer Ice Arena here in Josephburg and head over to Elk Island for a short hike and lunch. We fortified well with tuna wraps, grapes and baby carrots not to mention a thermos of Earl Grey and another with water for hot chocolate. Bundled and with Katy’s little green toboggan packed in the back of the Equinox, we felt ready to tackle the snow-covered trails.
We made one stop on the way and that was in the tiny town of Lamont which is just north of the Fort. We needed to pick up the Edmonton Journal because even if it is light on news beyond its own borders - we are newspaper addicts and have to have at least one paper coming into the house daily and well, the Globe doesn’t run a Sunday edition. In fact neither paper runs its big edition on Sunday. The biggest paper of the week is the Saturday edition for both. Lamont though is not much of a town. Rob remembers the ice rink there as being a vandalism target for the bored teens trapped by a lack of transportation, probably, and somewhere to go, likely. There is a grain elevator and railway tracks. A main street with a donut shop, a bank and a grocery. Very small. Not picturesque. It bills itself as the “Gateway to Elk Island Park”. And with that, enough has been said.
The park is a forested preserve for elk and bison herds. It’s mainly Aspen as this area is the transition land between Aspen parkland and boreal forest. There are plains and woodland bison here and they are kept in separate areas. They have flourished here to the point that this park has repatriated some of both herds to other areas that are trying to reestablish them. It’s part of the national park system and so there is a toll station at the entrance/exit areas. Trails are maintained and some of them are groomed specifically for cross country skiing. It’s snow up here a fair amount in the last few weeks so the snow we encountered was too deep for Katy to walk and we’d suspected she wouldn’t do much hiking anyway - thus her green toboggan.
Rob is always teaching Katy about something whether it is about drywalling or painting or the fact that there was a squirrel living in the area we were hiking through. He pointed out the food leavings and the collapsed tunnel the squirrel had been using to travel.
We picnicked at a spot that would overlook the lake in warmer weather but right now unless you knew it was out there, you’d have a hard time picturing it at all. It was a quick lunch. Just the wraps and hot drinks and grapes, and then back to the vehicle to tour the rest of the park from the warmth of the car. Katy and I are not quite so Canadian as we need to be for winter hikes yet.
As we trudged back to the main trail and then to the parking lot, a story came to me. It amazes me how this happens. How I can be doing something completely normal, like pulling Katy in a toboggan, and suddenly a story comes. Like a gift. A gift with a lot of work attached to it, but still a present from the universe just the same. I think it will be a creepy story. I just finished Stephen King's The Mist. A very quick read - day and a half at most as it is only a bit over 200 pages. Sadly it is something I could have started and finished in an afternoon or evening back in the day but I don't have the stamina - or the time - for such a quick turnaround these days. Anyway, I think some of the inspiration came from my reading too. I have always loved apocalyptic survival stories. Mine is not an end of days thing, but it is about survival and I hope it will be a little suspenseful anyway.
On the way back to the car, Rob stopped us to show Katy a picture of a bison and then a moose. There are stations on the trail in that give the history of Alberta and pioneers and some of the wildlife in the area. Katy really loves moments like these although Rob doesn't think she is always paying attention to him, she is. She is becoming quite a daddy's girl. Recently she has been telling Rob that she loves him. Spontaneously and not merely as a response. They say it takes several years to blend families. I wonder what they mean by that because I know so few "real" families that are "blended". Perhaps what they mean is that it takes time for people to get to know how everyone reacts in situations - what they are likely to do or say. Still, even though I can predict my siblings and parents, I wouldn't say that I knew any one of them very well, except maybe my mother, and I know they don't know or understand me at all.
As we were driving out of the park, we stopped to watch a moose grazing. Katy was quite fascinated and equally horrified when she was told that she'd had moose for supper the other night. The drive home was quick. We don't live far from the park. It was another splendid day.
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Monday, February 18, 2008
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Simply Saturday
A beautiful day in Josephburg follows hard on the heals of a warm, melty spring day yesterday. There is no mistaking the smell or feel of spring when it begins to arm wrestle with winter. It’s a bit like watching my daughter arm wrestle with my husband however. She hanging with both hands onto his wrist and dangling a few inches off the ground in a futile attempt to subdue him. Spring will not suffer the same loss that Katy did to Rob. Spring always wins out in the end simply because she is patient and persistent. Certainly more-so than we who want wearily for her victory at this point in the winter season. It’s a thrill to see the shingles on the roof and the asphalt of the road reappear for the first time since early December. The constant dripping from the eaves stops and the sun pulls away enough moisten from the roads that one can ease up on the wiper fluid. The wind carries a hint of warmer days and the branches of the trees and bushes seem to know it as they dance, sway or bounce, depending.
The sky looks warmer. And the sun? The sun! It was quarter to six and just dust the other night when we were leaving dance. Another month and daylight savings returns with its plethora of light to cheer Spring on in her quest for reclamation.
The day began with Katy and breakfast as most weekend mornings do. Sometimes I get up and sometimes it’s Rob. Pour the Fruity Cheerios, get the half-full juice box and rice milk from the fridge, and make sure the TV is on and set to Treehouse. Back to bed then for a bit more shut eye or snuggling or whatever. Around nine there is the long leisurely breakfast - today’s menu was Cream of Wheat and half a Starbucks scone each. Did you know that they are a whopping 470 calories and 23 grams of fat - with or without frosting? Pure evil carb. After there is showering, dressing and readying for errands. Today I went right to the Safeway and groceries and Rob took Katy along with him to Canadian Tire on the left for paint and supplies.
The afternoon was laundry. Painting. And Katy spent time in her winter wonderland that is our front yard, scaling the melting drifts, sliding down on her seal-skin like bum and digging. Oh, the digging.
At the moment, Rob is hard at work on the NYTimes crossword and I am writing while simultaneously making a poor attempt to bake a banana bread. It will be edible, just, but not photo-worthy.
A simple Saturday. Something to savour.
The sky looks warmer. And the sun? The sun! It was quarter to six and just dust the other night when we were leaving dance. Another month and daylight savings returns with its plethora of light to cheer Spring on in her quest for reclamation.
The day began with Katy and breakfast as most weekend mornings do. Sometimes I get up and sometimes it’s Rob. Pour the Fruity Cheerios, get the half-full juice box and rice milk from the fridge, and make sure the TV is on and set to Treehouse. Back to bed then for a bit more shut eye or snuggling or whatever. Around nine there is the long leisurely breakfast - today’s menu was Cream of Wheat and half a Starbucks scone each. Did you know that they are a whopping 470 calories and 23 grams of fat - with or without frosting? Pure evil carb. After there is showering, dressing and readying for errands. Today I went right to the Safeway and groceries and Rob took Katy along with him to Canadian Tire on the left for paint and supplies.
The afternoon was laundry. Painting. And Katy spent time in her winter wonderland that is our front yard, scaling the melting drifts, sliding down on her seal-skin like bum and digging. Oh, the digging.
At the moment, Rob is hard at work on the NYTimes crossword and I am writing while simultaneously making a poor attempt to bake a banana bread. It will be edible, just, but not photo-worthy.
A simple Saturday. Something to savour.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Family
Just when it seems we have enough familial dysfunction, we marry, inviting a whole new set of relatives onto the playing field.
With Will I was embarrassed at first about the state of what made up my immediate family. He assured me that I had nothing to worry about and after I met his family I would understand why. And I did. My family looked like the Waltons next to his and as I got to know them I realized that the relative normality of my family in comparison to his was a selling point for him.
Rob’s visiting sister reminds me of a cross between my own youngest sister and my late husband’s mother because like them, she needs the mess that is her life. The chaos. The uncertainty. The failure. The isolation. It feeds some basic need. Like them too, she is a turn on the dime type emotionally. So though I was prepared for the worst, we got pleasant and conversational last evening when Rob brought her home. Her. Not the kids. They were at the Super 8 over near the gym where I work out. It seems they were in need of “real” food to eat and unrestricted cable television access. I am guessing here but a day on foot probably didn’t go over well and the hotel was some kind of material “I’m sorry” but that would just be a guess based on my years as a public school teacher. I worked with a lot of families similar to theirs.
She was gone bright and early today and will be staying at the hotel tonight too. We have plans to meet them for dinner out (never high on my list of things to do anymore because of the whole not being able to eat much that is on the menu thing) and then they will take off back to Regina on Saturday morning.
I spent some of the afternoon today re-telling this tale to a friend after we’d taken our kids sliding, and she told me a bit about her siblings. Then her husband got up to get ready to go to his job - as he is working nights this week - and added a story or two about his own family. Perhaps the “good kids” in each family are programmed to look for each other in the wide world and form families. Social Darwinism in action? But I wouldn’t want to presume and call myself the good child. I just paid attention and learned my lessons and everyone else’s too.
The important thing tonight is that our home is now ours again and we won’t be making the extended visitor mistake again. I am not sure what it is that makes us think that people we didn’t get along with as children will make for great friends or guests when we are adults. Perhaps it is a Walton thing. We are fed images of families that love and bond no matter the differences in their natures and world views and we think that could be us. I think it works that way naturally for some as time tempers them and their memories but not for most.
With Will I was embarrassed at first about the state of what made up my immediate family. He assured me that I had nothing to worry about and after I met his family I would understand why. And I did. My family looked like the Waltons next to his and as I got to know them I realized that the relative normality of my family in comparison to his was a selling point for him.
Rob’s visiting sister reminds me of a cross between my own youngest sister and my late husband’s mother because like them, she needs the mess that is her life. The chaos. The uncertainty. The failure. The isolation. It feeds some basic need. Like them too, she is a turn on the dime type emotionally. So though I was prepared for the worst, we got pleasant and conversational last evening when Rob brought her home. Her. Not the kids. They were at the Super 8 over near the gym where I work out. It seems they were in need of “real” food to eat and unrestricted cable television access. I am guessing here but a day on foot probably didn’t go over well and the hotel was some kind of material “I’m sorry” but that would just be a guess based on my years as a public school teacher. I worked with a lot of families similar to theirs.
She was gone bright and early today and will be staying at the hotel tonight too. We have plans to meet them for dinner out (never high on my list of things to do anymore because of the whole not being able to eat much that is on the menu thing) and then they will take off back to Regina on Saturday morning.
I spent some of the afternoon today re-telling this tale to a friend after we’d taken our kids sliding, and she told me a bit about her siblings. Then her husband got up to get ready to go to his job - as he is working nights this week - and added a story or two about his own family. Perhaps the “good kids” in each family are programmed to look for each other in the wide world and form families. Social Darwinism in action? But I wouldn’t want to presume and call myself the good child. I just paid attention and learned my lessons and everyone else’s too.
The important thing tonight is that our home is now ours again and we won’t be making the extended visitor mistake again. I am not sure what it is that makes us think that people we didn’t get along with as children will make for great friends or guests when we are adults. Perhaps it is a Walton thing. We are fed images of families that love and bond no matter the differences in their natures and world views and we think that could be us. I think it works that way naturally for some as time tempers them and their memories but not for most.
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Happy 2008!
Last New Year’s Eve found me on the computer at midnight after an earlier dinner out with my friends, Vicki and C.J. At one point in the evening two gentlemen were sending us drinks but while Vicki egged them on, I just felt as though they were pushing in where they were not wanted - at least by me. As I cruised the net into the wee hours I would periodically check my mail for a message from Rob. He had said he would write when he got back from B.C. where he spent Christmas with the girls and in-laws. I found the following message from him:
Ann,
Just checking in to see how your holidays and New Year went. I have to confess that I already know a bit from reading your latest blog entries - I hope you don't mind? Anyways, I hope it was as good as it could be for you and Katy. I trust that Santa was good to her.
I have to confess also that I continue to be a bit surprised and amazed at how you articulate (in your posts and in your blogs) much of what I find myself thinking these days. That whole new widow/hollow eye thing at Katy's grief group - that's kind of how I feel about new members on ywbb. I find myself avoiding those forums, those posts. I just can't spare any more of me to share that much pain, I guess.
The holidays passed well enough for me and my girls. We spent just the right amount of time (maybe a bit too much) with Shelley's sister on the coast (of BC); after a few days, well let's just say that a few days is enough. Got to do some of the usual things while there - one day a couple of hours kayaking along the coast with BIL, a couple of days hiking in the nearby parks. I've been placing some of Shelley's ashes at select places - places that held special meaning to her or us or were just her favourite places. I found two more such places while visiting on the coast. Travel was uneventful both ways for the most part - weather cooperated and highways were good enough. At least, we stayed on the road and that's what counts.
Interesting event last night. After we got home, the girls both departed for their respective NYE plans and I called and begged off from where I had been invited - too tired after 12 hours of driving. I was doing a little e-mail and internetting (that damned addiction) and a little after midnight (my time) the phone rings. Who could that be? Turns out it was my new ywbb friend - calling to wish me a happy new year. It was a bit awkward given that we haven't spoken before - just e-mail and IM. I am amazed at her courage, but I will say it was nice to have someone call out of the blue to say they were thinking of me. Since I don't really have that anymore.
Well, I'm starting to run to the maudlin here, so will close for now. I'm hoping for better things in the new year. Starting back to work tomorrow morning (if I can get up at 6 am......). And organizing a 'bago dinner for the weekend after next will take up a bit of time. Not to mention the butterflies that go along with meeting a group of new people, widows no less.
Again, hope the holidays went well and wishing you and Katy all the best for 2007!
Take care.
Rob
I replied.
Rob,
Glad your holiday went well. No I don't mind that you
read the blog. I am trying not to neglect it the way I
did last month. I need to write and get back to
working through the knots in my novel. Need to make
more of an effort to stay away from YWBB as it is
sucking up time I could use for more productive
pursuits. A goal for the new year. I have pretty much
given up the other widows' site in the UK that I also
visited, so I can probably give this one up too. It
either swamps me with other people's grief or makes me
feel guilty for not grieving enough. Chat is boring
me. IM is starting to annoy me with it's impersonal
feel as well.
Lucky you to get a phone call. I am going to guess
that this was not your train wreck friend. It's nice
to have someone real to talk to and who cares enough
to check up. I got a call too, but I am not as pysched
about it.
It sounds like you had fun last week with some
favorite activities. That's good. You probably need
that before starting back to work. I am impressed with
the time and care and thought you have put into your
memorializing. I had thought about scattering some of
Will's ashes but couldn't bring myself to open the
container or keep any in the house. I sleep with the
lights on too often as it is. I hope you don't mind
that I read your posts about your trip in the fall. It
was interesting. I looked up the pictures too. Made me
smile. Will always wore a cap. Pittsburgh Steelers. He
would have loved the truck too.
The bago CJ is planning is at the end of the month.
She doesn't think we will have many people but that's
okay. You have to start somewhere. Meanwhile, we have
the Governor's ball on the 12th. Music and dancing. I
am hoping that I won't be as reticent as I was last
night with the two guys bought us drink. I need
practice I suppose.
School starts Wednesday. I am hoping to be there but I
have been in bed nearly all day with something. I feel
awful and can't decide if it is flu or bronchitis. I
will probably try to see my doctor in the morning. I
didn't want to risk the walk-in clinic today. You can
sit for hours on a holiday and that just increases the
odds of catching something nastier on top of what you
have already. Next week is finals which is an easy
week.
Have a good day tomorrow.
Ann
Not exactly the stuff of romance novels, but that wasn’t to be us for a while yet.
Last night we shared a midnight kiss in the bathroom doorway because we lost track of the time getting ready for bed and there were teenagers prowling about yet. We finished one of the most depressing dvd’s to date (a difficult feat, believe me) called Winter Passing with Ed Harris, Will Ferrell and Zooey Deschanel. Suicide. Widowhood. Complicated grieving. More - almost - suicide. You know, typical happy new year stuff. I have to shrug and laugh a bit as we keep the streak of downer movies alive.
This morning it was just the three of us - Rob, Katy and I - at breakfast. Our guest were still slumbering. Tea, smoothies, fresh cherries and pancakes. Topped off by a team effort (minus Katy) to complete the NY Times crossword (I think they threw us a bone for the end of the year).
My sister-in-law emerged from the guest row in full woe-is-me ultra-apologetic form. We countered her with the bright side and she retreated again. You just can’t throw to much of the light of practicality on people who are determined to feel neglected and cursed by the universe.
As the afternoon begins we are making are escape for the city. Rob has been hauling junk out of the basement and garage for a week or so now and stuff needs to go before our yard takes on to much of a white trash aura. I am writing and finishing up my scanning of the Canadian Writer’s Market book that I got from Rob for Christmas. I am paying particular attention to those publications which inform one that “we can’t pay for submissions right now” but pleas submit anyway. Those suit me best as I can’t be paid until I have my PR status approved in another, hopefully, three-ish months.
A quiet afternoon in the truck tooling the city and then home to the dry sauna, shower and partake of the yummy homemade soy-chicken soup I have going in the slow-cooker. Sis-in-law and children made it to the grocery story yesterday as they have tired of being polite and eating our organic, healthy fare. I was telling Rob right before they arrived that I am growing impatient with the idea that I must bend to the eating habits of the world in general even in my own home. My many food intolerance's are not of any concern to the world. Whenever we eat out or eat at someone’s home, I am forced to pick and forage as I may. Let them “eat cake” when they come to visit me is my new motto.
So, a Happy New Year to all who are reading this. A special thanks to Marsha and Sally my most faithful readers and commenters who keep me grounded with their wisdom. Also a welcome to The Girl Left Behind and a thank you for reading. Finally, an “I love you” to my Rob - my editor and biggest fan.
My horoscope for 2007 informed me that the year would be one on the order of great. This year’s prediction is much the same. I wonder if we make these predictions a reality through belief, hard work or both?
Ann,
Just checking in to see how your holidays and New Year went. I have to confess that I already know a bit from reading your latest blog entries - I hope you don't mind? Anyways, I hope it was as good as it could be for you and Katy. I trust that Santa was good to her.
I have to confess also that I continue to be a bit surprised and amazed at how you articulate (in your posts and in your blogs) much of what I find myself thinking these days. That whole new widow/hollow eye thing at Katy's grief group - that's kind of how I feel about new members on ywbb. I find myself avoiding those forums, those posts. I just can't spare any more of me to share that much pain, I guess.
The holidays passed well enough for me and my girls. We spent just the right amount of time (maybe a bit too much) with Shelley's sister on the coast (of BC); after a few days, well let's just say that a few days is enough. Got to do some of the usual things while there - one day a couple of hours kayaking along the coast with BIL, a couple of days hiking in the nearby parks. I've been placing some of Shelley's ashes at select places - places that held special meaning to her or us or were just her favourite places. I found two more such places while visiting on the coast. Travel was uneventful both ways for the most part - weather cooperated and highways were good enough. At least, we stayed on the road and that's what counts.
Interesting event last night. After we got home, the girls both departed for their respective NYE plans and I called and begged off from where I had been invited - too tired after 12 hours of driving. I was doing a little e-mail and internetting (that damned addiction) and a little after midnight (my time) the phone rings. Who could that be? Turns out it was my new ywbb friend - calling to wish me a happy new year. It was a bit awkward given that we haven't spoken before - just e-mail and IM. I am amazed at her courage, but I will say it was nice to have someone call out of the blue to say they were thinking of me. Since I don't really have that anymore.
Well, I'm starting to run to the maudlin here, so will close for now. I'm hoping for better things in the new year. Starting back to work tomorrow morning (if I can get up at 6 am......). And organizing a 'bago dinner for the weekend after next will take up a bit of time. Not to mention the butterflies that go along with meeting a group of new people, widows no less.
Again, hope the holidays went well and wishing you and Katy all the best for 2007!
Take care.
Rob
I replied.
Rob,
Glad your holiday went well. No I don't mind that you
read the blog. I am trying not to neglect it the way I
did last month. I need to write and get back to
working through the knots in my novel. Need to make
more of an effort to stay away from YWBB as it is
sucking up time I could use for more productive
pursuits. A goal for the new year. I have pretty much
given up the other widows' site in the UK that I also
visited, so I can probably give this one up too. It
either swamps me with other people's grief or makes me
feel guilty for not grieving enough. Chat is boring
me. IM is starting to annoy me with it's impersonal
feel as well.
Lucky you to get a phone call. I am going to guess
that this was not your train wreck friend. It's nice
to have someone real to talk to and who cares enough
to check up. I got a call too, but I am not as pysched
about it.
It sounds like you had fun last week with some
favorite activities. That's good. You probably need
that before starting back to work. I am impressed with
the time and care and thought you have put into your
memorializing. I had thought about scattering some of
Will's ashes but couldn't bring myself to open the
container or keep any in the house. I sleep with the
lights on too often as it is. I hope you don't mind
that I read your posts about your trip in the fall. It
was interesting. I looked up the pictures too. Made me
smile. Will always wore a cap. Pittsburgh Steelers. He
would have loved the truck too.
The bago CJ is planning is at the end of the month.
She doesn't think we will have many people but that's
okay. You have to start somewhere. Meanwhile, we have
the Governor's ball on the 12th. Music and dancing. I
am hoping that I won't be as reticent as I was last
night with the two guys bought us drink. I need
practice I suppose.
School starts Wednesday. I am hoping to be there but I
have been in bed nearly all day with something. I feel
awful and can't decide if it is flu or bronchitis. I
will probably try to see my doctor in the morning. I
didn't want to risk the walk-in clinic today. You can
sit for hours on a holiday and that just increases the
odds of catching something nastier on top of what you
have already. Next week is finals which is an easy
week.
Have a good day tomorrow.
Ann
Not exactly the stuff of romance novels, but that wasn’t to be us for a while yet.
Last night we shared a midnight kiss in the bathroom doorway because we lost track of the time getting ready for bed and there were teenagers prowling about yet. We finished one of the most depressing dvd’s to date (a difficult feat, believe me) called Winter Passing with Ed Harris, Will Ferrell and Zooey Deschanel. Suicide. Widowhood. Complicated grieving. More - almost - suicide. You know, typical happy new year stuff. I have to shrug and laugh a bit as we keep the streak of downer movies alive.
This morning it was just the three of us - Rob, Katy and I - at breakfast. Our guest were still slumbering. Tea, smoothies, fresh cherries and pancakes. Topped off by a team effort (minus Katy) to complete the NY Times crossword (I think they threw us a bone for the end of the year).
My sister-in-law emerged from the guest row in full woe-is-me ultra-apologetic form. We countered her with the bright side and she retreated again. You just can’t throw to much of the light of practicality on people who are determined to feel neglected and cursed by the universe.
As the afternoon begins we are making are escape for the city. Rob has been hauling junk out of the basement and garage for a week or so now and stuff needs to go before our yard takes on to much of a white trash aura. I am writing and finishing up my scanning of the Canadian Writer’s Market book that I got from Rob for Christmas. I am paying particular attention to those publications which inform one that “we can’t pay for submissions right now” but pleas submit anyway. Those suit me best as I can’t be paid until I have my PR status approved in another, hopefully, three-ish months.
A quiet afternoon in the truck tooling the city and then home to the dry sauna, shower and partake of the yummy homemade soy-chicken soup I have going in the slow-cooker. Sis-in-law and children made it to the grocery story yesterday as they have tired of being polite and eating our organic, healthy fare. I was telling Rob right before they arrived that I am growing impatient with the idea that I must bend to the eating habits of the world in general even in my own home. My many food intolerance's are not of any concern to the world. Whenever we eat out or eat at someone’s home, I am forced to pick and forage as I may. Let them “eat cake” when they come to visit me is my new motto.
So, a Happy New Year to all who are reading this. A special thanks to Marsha and Sally my most faithful readers and commenters who keep me grounded with their wisdom. Also a welcome to The Girl Left Behind and a thank you for reading. Finally, an “I love you” to my Rob - my editor and biggest fan.
My horoscope for 2007 informed me that the year would be one on the order of great. This year’s prediction is much the same. I wonder if we make these predictions a reality through belief, hard work or both?
Monday, December 31, 2007
Speak Too Soon. Invite the Jinx.
I spoke of giving up blogging in my last post because I wonder what good it is doing me any more and what I could possibly have left to say that might interest anyone. It’s not as though I, or my life, is all that interesting. But just when I thought I didn’t need the cathartic outlet that is my blog at its essence, my sister-in-law shows up at our home - four days later than she originally planned and with intentions of staying for a week. Did I mention she dragged - literally - her seventeen and thirteen year old children with her? No? Well, she did.
I like Shannon. I do. She can carry on quite the conversation and is very polite (aka Canadian), but she is in her seventh year of widowhood and stuck beyond even the most generous standards of grieving. Many of our conversations have centered around grief even when they started out about something else. Being problem solvers, both Rob and I have countered her at every turn with solutions to her fixed position - which she claims to not be happy with by the way - but for every solution, she remains attached to the problem like velcro. It’s exhausting in a way that reminds me of my time on the widow board.
Today, I escaped to the gym and then after lunch (did I mention they sleep til lunch?) I absconded with Katy to the library and to shop for groceries. In my absence, she decided to drag the teens to the mega-mall that is about a 45 minute drive from here. Upon my return with my raccoon-eyed child (teens make noise that intrigues and keeps five year olds up way past bedtime), Rob assures me that we will never have company over the holidays ever again and while I am being mollified, his sister calls to let him know her car has died. The night she arrived, she told us that the vehicle had been leaking anti-freeze for some time but she just took care of this by constantly refilling it. So, the anti-freeze was gone and the car wouldn’t start. Rob bundled up and went to fetch them and tow the car back. It was 8:30 by the time we had supper. Katy was beyond tired and nephew and niece were still wearing the stunned looks that I imagine overtook them when they realized that coercing their mom to take them home before the weekend wasn’t in the cards anymore.
My sister-in-law has taken to her bed. Our guest bed. I haven’t seen her at all. Rob says she does this.
It was easy to deal with widows who refused to help themselves when they were on the other side of the ethernet. I hit the ignore button. Now I have one in my basement. God help me.
I like Shannon. I do. She can carry on quite the conversation and is very polite (aka Canadian), but she is in her seventh year of widowhood and stuck beyond even the most generous standards of grieving. Many of our conversations have centered around grief even when they started out about something else. Being problem solvers, both Rob and I have countered her at every turn with solutions to her fixed position - which she claims to not be happy with by the way - but for every solution, she remains attached to the problem like velcro. It’s exhausting in a way that reminds me of my time on the widow board.
Today, I escaped to the gym and then after lunch (did I mention they sleep til lunch?) I absconded with Katy to the library and to shop for groceries. In my absence, she decided to drag the teens to the mega-mall that is about a 45 minute drive from here. Upon my return with my raccoon-eyed child (teens make noise that intrigues and keeps five year olds up way past bedtime), Rob assures me that we will never have company over the holidays ever again and while I am being mollified, his sister calls to let him know her car has died. The night she arrived, she told us that the vehicle had been leaking anti-freeze for some time but she just took care of this by constantly refilling it. So, the anti-freeze was gone and the car wouldn’t start. Rob bundled up and went to fetch them and tow the car back. It was 8:30 by the time we had supper. Katy was beyond tired and nephew and niece were still wearing the stunned looks that I imagine overtook them when they realized that coercing their mom to take them home before the weekend wasn’t in the cards anymore.
My sister-in-law has taken to her bed. Our guest bed. I haven’t seen her at all. Rob says she does this.
It was easy to deal with widows who refused to help themselves when they were on the other side of the ethernet. I hit the ignore button. Now I have one in my basement. God help me.
Monday, November 5, 2007
Time Flies
Not literally and yet literally, time flies. And it’s not about fun either. I am not always having fun. The dishes, the laundry, the child, the cat, the groceries, the miscellaneous errands. The care and maintenance that goes into the all of the aforementioned can run a considerable range up and down and around the old fun meter. There are my various physical activities (running and swimming) and mental activities (my novel, the blog, attempting to keep up with the world of literature and the news of the day - although sometimes I don’t get to today’s news until tomorrow). I have written about this before but I just run out of time, nearly every day it seems.
As I sit and type this, I can hear and feel the roof shuddering because Rob is out back in the pitch dark building a new gable over the kitchen window box because the roof is leaking and it’s pretty much winter here now. And he hasn’t time either and I don’t need to wonder why or how this happened. We merged our lives and doubled everything essentially but the time we are alloted.
So, the novel is over 31,ooo words and 108 pages and I am certain I will hit the 50,000 within a week but I will likely not be done. More like 3/4ths done. I have discovered however my novel writing style, which as I suspected it would be, is not a start at the beginning and write to the end; but more of a have a good idea where things go and write as the ideas germinate whether that is starting in the middle or rearranging chapter order as you discover that you wrote chapter 11 when it should be chapter 2. My writing is more and more consuming time. I am becoming of those people who sit in waiting rooms with their laptops open and pounding away.
Tomorrow I promise to blog more topically but tonight I am tired and there is a novel calling and a hay fever attack subsiding and my husband is back inside to be snuggled up to. Time just continues to fly by.
As I sit and type this, I can hear and feel the roof shuddering because Rob is out back in the pitch dark building a new gable over the kitchen window box because the roof is leaking and it’s pretty much winter here now. And he hasn’t time either and I don’t need to wonder why or how this happened. We merged our lives and doubled everything essentially but the time we are alloted.
So, the novel is over 31,ooo words and 108 pages and I am certain I will hit the 50,000 within a week but I will likely not be done. More like 3/4ths done. I have discovered however my novel writing style, which as I suspected it would be, is not a start at the beginning and write to the end; but more of a have a good idea where things go and write as the ideas germinate whether that is starting in the middle or rearranging chapter order as you discover that you wrote chapter 11 when it should be chapter 2. My writing is more and more consuming time. I am becoming of those people who sit in waiting rooms with their laptops open and pounding away.
Tomorrow I promise to blog more topically but tonight I am tired and there is a novel calling and a hay fever attack subsiding and my husband is back inside to be snuggled up to. Time just continues to fly by.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Happy Halloween
It’s been a full day. Katy has been in her Dancing Princess costume since 10AM and as I type this Rob and Katy have been home once to get a bigger bad for her “collection taking” (and to drop off our cat who has followed them up and down the street playfully attacking swinging goody bags and trying to gain entry to our neighbors homes when they open their doors).
Katy’s new school is not like the one she attended back in Des Moines. My old school district was very careful with Halloween, as they were with all holidays. Never acknowledging by name. No parties. No costume parades. In fact, the city of Des Moines and its surrounding suburbs neutered the holiday long ago by refusing to allow it to be held on the 31st and changing its name. They referred to it as Beggar’s Night and with the exception of only one year in the twenty that I lived there, it was always held on the 30th for two hours. This was supposed to cut down on vandalism and maybe take some of the “satanic” taint away from it. I find it ironic that Halloween is thought to be a holiday of evil. It’s druid origins have more to do with acknowledgment of the departed than the calling up of demons, which is actually Christian nonsense anyway.
I volunteered to help out in Katy’s class again today. It was fun. The kids from all the grades gathered in the gym. We sang - okay, they sang - O Canada and then each class got to parade across the stage to show off their costumes. Katy’s teacher had an assortment of party stations waiting for them back in the room, and we helped the kids make Mardi Gras type masks and decorate those tiny “pumpkins” and make tracings of familiar Halloween images like bats and ghosts which they labeled themselves.
Katy was so impatient to get out a trick or treat tonight. She decided that Rob should take her because he couldn’t be trusted at home with the candy. Katy was sure he would eat most of it before anyone could come knocking for it. I don’t think he would have. Eaten all of it that is. Some would be a given though.
After they returned, we set out for the bookmobile as Wednesday night is library night. Rob, me, the little dancing princess and our cat tagging along. We probably made a very heart-warming sight and looked quite the nuclear perfect family. Little would anyone guess where we all were at just a year ago, though I don’t like to make those comparisons. I didn’t decorate this year because Rob isn’t ready for tombstones in the front yard, even if they aren’t real, but I was ready in a way. I listened jealously to my best friend describe the haunted house that our Jaycees friends build every fall to raise money for charities. Will and I fell in love while building one in the fall of 1998 and shared our first kiss in the shower scene I created. There amidst the splayed body in a tub full of blood with spooky music in the background and strobes blinking was were it all began for us. Couldn’t have been anymore romantic. And those memories are good ones. Decorating and remembering creations past feels okay these days. There are things that don’t come back. Priorities change and continue to evolve for some time after the loss of a loved one. It’s inevitable and probably not a bad thing at all. Some people go the whole of their lives without ever given a second thought to how they live their lives and in my opinion that doesn’t make them luckier than I am.
So, Happy Halloween, my friends.
Katy’s new school is not like the one she attended back in Des Moines. My old school district was very careful with Halloween, as they were with all holidays. Never acknowledging by name. No parties. No costume parades. In fact, the city of Des Moines and its surrounding suburbs neutered the holiday long ago by refusing to allow it to be held on the 31st and changing its name. They referred to it as Beggar’s Night and with the exception of only one year in the twenty that I lived there, it was always held on the 30th for two hours. This was supposed to cut down on vandalism and maybe take some of the “satanic” taint away from it. I find it ironic that Halloween is thought to be a holiday of evil. It’s druid origins have more to do with acknowledgment of the departed than the calling up of demons, which is actually Christian nonsense anyway.
I volunteered to help out in Katy’s class again today. It was fun. The kids from all the grades gathered in the gym. We sang - okay, they sang - O Canada and then each class got to parade across the stage to show off their costumes. Katy’s teacher had an assortment of party stations waiting for them back in the room, and we helped the kids make Mardi Gras type masks and decorate those tiny “pumpkins” and make tracings of familiar Halloween images like bats and ghosts which they labeled themselves.
Katy was so impatient to get out a trick or treat tonight. She decided that Rob should take her because he couldn’t be trusted at home with the candy. Katy was sure he would eat most of it before anyone could come knocking for it. I don’t think he would have. Eaten all of it that is. Some would be a given though.
After they returned, we set out for the bookmobile as Wednesday night is library night. Rob, me, the little dancing princess and our cat tagging along. We probably made a very heart-warming sight and looked quite the nuclear perfect family. Little would anyone guess where we all were at just a year ago, though I don’t like to make those comparisons. I didn’t decorate this year because Rob isn’t ready for tombstones in the front yard, even if they aren’t real, but I was ready in a way. I listened jealously to my best friend describe the haunted house that our Jaycees friends build every fall to raise money for charities. Will and I fell in love while building one in the fall of 1998 and shared our first kiss in the shower scene I created. There amidst the splayed body in a tub full of blood with spooky music in the background and strobes blinking was were it all began for us. Couldn’t have been anymore romantic. And those memories are good ones. Decorating and remembering creations past feels okay these days. There are things that don’t come back. Priorities change and continue to evolve for some time after the loss of a loved one. It’s inevitable and probably not a bad thing at all. Some people go the whole of their lives without ever given a second thought to how they live their lives and in my opinion that doesn’t make them luckier than I am.
So, Happy Halloween, my friends.
Friday, October 19, 2007
Family and Friends
Rob asked me the first night back why I had wanted to make the trip here. This was after observing me with my folks when we finally arrived. Neither of my parents really listened to much of what I had to say and my mom especially would interrupt me to talk about herself. And that is just them. As I had explained to Rob before, no one in my family really gets me on a deep level or truly understands who I am. He has said himself that I am a “complex” person, though I am not sure why he thinks so. I suppose I am a contradiction at times but I am not sure that qualifies me for “complex” which sounds so much more interesting than it is.
I am not sure I wanted to come back as much as I just needed to for a bit. To check on my folks who are getting older and are not healthy, my father especially. Katy needed to see her grandparents and cousin, Luke. She has and is adjusting quite well in Alberta but she is still just a very little girl. The high school reunion thing was just a coincidence. As it turns out I will probably not see many people from back in those days. Everyone lives so far away and has significant people and family that have taken them far from Dubuque and the kids that we once were. It’s okay. I have never been one to have those BFF type relationships with people who stick with you for lifetimes and would come at the drop of the hat if called upon to do so. I find those types of friendships interesting but don’t know anyone personally who has one. And maybe no one really has someone like that. Maybe it is more the case that we have people who are supportive of us in ways we accept as good enough, often enough. If that makes any sense.
I think the biggest reason I agreed to take this trip was for the opportunity to show Rob where I came from and to spend some time off by ourselves which we haven’t had really since moving in together and marrying. My mom is a willing sitter and Katy has come to expect to be allowed to stay at my folks when we visit. This allows Rob and I the kind of one on one and intimacy that isn’t a given when you marry the second time.
My best friend, Vicki, took the day off and is driving over with her mom and daughter, Lindsay for a quick visit this afternoon. If I have a friend who comes closest to “drop everything” it is her.
Today it’s rainy. Iowa should be synonymous with “swamp” and “sub-tropic” and “Noah” as in ark. I do not miss the biblical rain season here which grows longer and longer as global warming picks up its pace. Rob and I will head out to Starbucks soon and then up to my folks. They enjoy our presence, and they enjoy fact that we are useful. We made dinner last night and cleaned up after. Rob changed the door nob on the bathroom door, so it actually locks again. I guess you can go home again, as long as you are just visiting.
I am not sure I wanted to come back as much as I just needed to for a bit. To check on my folks who are getting older and are not healthy, my father especially. Katy needed to see her grandparents and cousin, Luke. She has and is adjusting quite well in Alberta but she is still just a very little girl. The high school reunion thing was just a coincidence. As it turns out I will probably not see many people from back in those days. Everyone lives so far away and has significant people and family that have taken them far from Dubuque and the kids that we once were. It’s okay. I have never been one to have those BFF type relationships with people who stick with you for lifetimes and would come at the drop of the hat if called upon to do so. I find those types of friendships interesting but don’t know anyone personally who has one. And maybe no one really has someone like that. Maybe it is more the case that we have people who are supportive of us in ways we accept as good enough, often enough. If that makes any sense.
I think the biggest reason I agreed to take this trip was for the opportunity to show Rob where I came from and to spend some time off by ourselves which we haven’t had really since moving in together and marrying. My mom is a willing sitter and Katy has come to expect to be allowed to stay at my folks when we visit. This allows Rob and I the kind of one on one and intimacy that isn’t a given when you marry the second time.
My best friend, Vicki, took the day off and is driving over with her mom and daughter, Lindsay for a quick visit this afternoon. If I have a friend who comes closest to “drop everything” it is her.
Today it’s rainy. Iowa should be synonymous with “swamp” and “sub-tropic” and “Noah” as in ark. I do not miss the biblical rain season here which grows longer and longer as global warming picks up its pace. Rob and I will head out to Starbucks soon and then up to my folks. They enjoy our presence, and they enjoy fact that we are useful. We made dinner last night and cleaned up after. Rob changed the door nob on the bathroom door, so it actually locks again. I guess you can go home again, as long as you are just visiting.
Saturday, October 6, 2007
Happy Canadian Thanksgiving
Heading down to Saskatchewan in a while for the holiday weekend. Got to hand to it Canadians, they know how to space their holidays. Back in the States it's feast of famine in terms of time away from the grind but up here the year seems to be evenly broken into a plethora of official holidays that result in three and four day weekends. That's another thing about Canadians, whenever possible, they hold their holidays on Monday. The school year, which would break the back of the average American kid, is ten whole months long but it has all these lovely holidays in addition to the official provincial and national ones. Yes, that's right. Provinces can schedule their own holidays. Puts U.S. states' rights in its rightful place, right between "weenie" and "wuss".
Monday is Thanksgiving here. We had planned to lay about. There is work to be done winterizing and since it seem to be snowing all around us, though not here yet, it's something we need to be moving a bit more swiftly on. However, Rob's mom is moving to B.C. in a few weeks and needed him to come down and take care of a few things his younger sister can't help out with. Yeah, there is a story there but I am not at liberty to tell it. Suffice to say that are issues and I am sure you can imagine the rest without any further assistance. I am just standing over here in the corner of my blog, not saying a word.
Saskatchewan is an eight hour drive through terrain that makes Nebraska seem interesting. Since I have made it once before, and much of it is on two lane highway (Canadians do not believe in mega highways like Americans do. Back in the states there are four lane highways in the middle of nowhere simply so farmers can get from the homestead to the back forty fifteen minutes faster). It takes forever to get there. Though once there, Regina is a somewhat interesting place. A place I won't see much more of this time than the first time I was there in June. Perhaps I will get a bit of real writing done as I will be internet inaccessible, but more likely I will work on yet another attempt at winning the mystery story contest in the Edmonton journal. Some other SAHM won it this week which means I have to read another chapter in this increasingly boring story. But, I am nothing if not pig-headed and single-minded when it comes to at least seeing this damn contest through to its end. I suppose I could write one of those "thankful" lists that people do when Thanksgiving comes around. When I was in grade school the nuns had us do this every year. It was a bit like having to think up sins for confession once a month. Not that I haven't much to be thankful for but the holiday itself is such a sham. Below the 49th it is sold as the day the pilgrims sat down with their friendly Native American neighbors and gave thanks for surviving their first year. Of course the real story behind the Plymouth pilgrims is more on the order of the sordid stuff that would have made it an awesome reality show had there been such a thing as television back then. Then, of course, is the reality that Thanksgiving was actually a propaganda tool of the Lincoln administration during that unpopular war he was stuck with known as the Civil War. But whatever, I am not at all sure what meaning Canadians have attached to it beyond the fact that it's been about six weeks since the last holiday Monday around here.
I am thankful for the six or ten of you who read this blog and want to wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving from Canada.
Monday is Thanksgiving here. We had planned to lay about. There is work to be done winterizing and since it seem to be snowing all around us, though not here yet, it's something we need to be moving a bit more swiftly on. However, Rob's mom is moving to B.C. in a few weeks and needed him to come down and take care of a few things his younger sister can't help out with. Yeah, there is a story there but I am not at liberty to tell it. Suffice to say that are issues and I am sure you can imagine the rest without any further assistance. I am just standing over here in the corner of my blog, not saying a word.
Saskatchewan is an eight hour drive through terrain that makes Nebraska seem interesting. Since I have made it once before, and much of it is on two lane highway (Canadians do not believe in mega highways like Americans do. Back in the states there are four lane highways in the middle of nowhere simply so farmers can get from the homestead to the back forty fifteen minutes faster). It takes forever to get there. Though once there, Regina is a somewhat interesting place. A place I won't see much more of this time than the first time I was there in June. Perhaps I will get a bit of real writing done as I will be internet inaccessible, but more likely I will work on yet another attempt at winning the mystery story contest in the Edmonton journal. Some other SAHM won it this week which means I have to read another chapter in this increasingly boring story. But, I am nothing if not pig-headed and single-minded when it comes to at least seeing this damn contest through to its end. I suppose I could write one of those "thankful" lists that people do when Thanksgiving comes around. When I was in grade school the nuns had us do this every year. It was a bit like having to think up sins for confession once a month. Not that I haven't much to be thankful for but the holiday itself is such a sham. Below the 49th it is sold as the day the pilgrims sat down with their friendly Native American neighbors and gave thanks for surviving their first year. Of course the real story behind the Plymouth pilgrims is more on the order of the sordid stuff that would have made it an awesome reality show had there been such a thing as television back then. Then, of course, is the reality that Thanksgiving was actually a propaganda tool of the Lincoln administration during that unpopular war he was stuck with known as the Civil War. But whatever, I am not at all sure what meaning Canadians have attached to it beyond the fact that it's been about six weeks since the last holiday Monday around here.
I am thankful for the six or ten of you who read this blog and want to wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving from Canada.
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