Perimenopause

I have never been a fan of my plumbing. From the day my mother handed me a little booklet with characters out of a John, Jean and Judy book explaining the “exciting and wondrous miracle puberty”, I pretty much knew that girls got more than their fair share of the short end of God’s stick. It starts with not being able to be an altar-boy and just goes down hill from there. I think I was in sixth grade. Not quite twelve. And big for my age. So, my mother assumed, incorrectly I might add, that it was time to bring me up to speed on the whole menstruating thing. As it turned out, I didn’t start having a regular cycle until the beginning of eighth grade and that my greatest source of information about getting my period was not my mother, who’d had a hysterectomy before I was even born and hadn’t ever had what one could call a “normal” cycle, or the charming pamphlet or even the 1960-ish filmstrip presentation the sisters at my school inflicted on all the girls when they reached a “certain age”. No, like most things to do with the nether regions of my body - I learned what I needed to know from my peers. A dubious source of information to be sure but one that has stood the test of generations of young people everywhere. That is to say - the near-blind leading the legally so.
Now that I have once again reacher “a certain age”, I am finding that my peers are once again the leading edge of information as I wander, sometimes willingly and sometimes resentfully, into the valley of the shadow of menopause.

Ironically, it is my husband who has supplied me with much of my current information as he as been down this path, so to speak, before with his late wife. All manner of natural supplements have been suggested for my own good and his comfort. Black Cohosh and red clover for hot flashes, he thinks. The hot flashes are mainly a night time thing right now and only around that time of the month. Too much information? The change is like any other phase in a woman’s reproductive and sexual existence. When it is in season, it is fair game for conversation. That’s why preteens obsess about their breasts and when they will get their firs period and teens and twenty somethings can think and talk of little else but sex. It’s why married women suffer, loudly, about baby hungry and pregnant women will divulge the most intimate (and disgusting) information to anyone without even being asked for it. Labor and Delivery stories, breast-feeding adventures, and the big C of life - we are arguably more fascinated with our bodies than any man could ever be.

I am technically not menopausal. I know this because I was having issues last spring and my wonderful doctor did blood tests and had an ultra-sound done just to make sure that nothing more sinister was afoot (which caused a fair degree of worry for both Rob and I because we are now firmly in the camp of “it can happen to us” because it has). As it turned out I am just experiencing that long and winding down part of the reproductive years. From my reading, I know that it can take up to a decade to wind down to the point of actual menopause and that your best predictor for a time frame is the age at which your mother and grandmother stopped unwinding and ground to a halt. Being adopted, I don’t have that information. But, given that I was about 42ish when I first noticed things starting to change, then 52ish is a good guess. That’s eight years. Good God. That is a heck of a long time to wait for the demise of something I have never been all that fond of in the first place, and the list of symptoms that I am/could experience just bring up the short stick thing I mentioned earlier. One of the symptoms I noticed on the list was memory and concentration problems. Oh great. First it is PG brain, then mommy brain, followed by caregiver brain and then widow-brain. Top these last six years off with the hormonal (or lack thereof) induced thinking blips caused by peri and definitely menopause and by the time I am in my “right” mind again I will be too far gone in senior “moments” to notice.

Until recently, the whole aging thing hadn’t been a big deal to me. I look a tad younger than most of my peers - which I attribute to good genes and a near shunning of the sun when I was a teen and in my youngest adult years (fat girls don’t wear bathing suits). But, the white hair is getting harder to hide with just highlights and the physical things I once did without thinking need to be thought about it, and I am not sure that when you throw hormonal imbalance on top of this that I am as indifferent to getting old as I have been in the past. Rob is always talking about having this finite number of “good” old age years. As he sees it, one can still be okay - as in fit and healthy - enough to do as they would like during the 50’s and into the 60’s but that one gets maybe about 15 years max once you reach the top of the hill and round over. That is so depressing and what is worse is that I appear to be under the elder Boomer delusion that I will still be functional as a 70+ year old. Of course, perhaps I will. I read an article in the Globe yesterday about a couple of studies down with centenarians that determined it is not simply good genes that help people live into their 90’s and hit the 100 mark. Lifestyle is key as well and that they really can’t say when it is too late to improve one’s lifestyle.

It is not easy. Undoing the damage of caregiving and the stresses of the last years. Going on six now since Will’s first troubling symptoms began. I have started Yoga and I find that if I ignore the Mahareshi side of it I enjoy it quite a bit. I walk. I even have Rob walking. I can run again but try not to overdo it as it is hard on my knees. I lift weights. Heavy ones. I am Zena. I am a near total vegan but I need to work on the fruit thing. I hate out of season fruit. It’s squishy during the winter. How can anyone think about putting squishy fruit in her mouth without gagging?

Perhaps I will do okay. 102 is a good age to shoot for, don’t you think. One can’t set too lofty a goal where living is concerned, in my opinion.

Another Service Issue and an Internet Update

The Equinox’s driver side airbag indicator light has been indicating a need for service since October. We bought the vehicle in September, so we assumed it was simply a matter of scheduling an appointment at the dealership and the problem would be remedied. But, it is now February and the problem remains unchanged. It’s not that we couldn’t get an appointment. I think we’ve had it in twice between then and now but the first time, they didn’t have the part that was needed, and the second time the part that was ordered was the wrong part for the type and make of the vehicle. Rob tried phoning the service department yesterday to see if the part was in since we haven’t heard from anyone is over a month but he was shuffled through “can you hold, please?” hell for 25 minutes and then gave up.

It’s like everywhere else up here in Alberta these days. The “service” part is lacking and mainly because there are more jobs than people. When it’s just as easy to quit and walk across the street (or even relocate half a province away) without penalty, you find that those who do have jobs aren’t working as much as the job requires and those who aren’t working are simply waiting for their funds to deplete to the point where working is necessary again. The Chevy dealership in Fort Saskatchewan is having a hard time finding mechanics and hanging on to them. They are having a hard time finding people to answer the phones and man the service counter too. After Rob’s wasted phone effort, I decided just to go there in person today. It’s a bit harder to “can you hold, please?” to a customer hovering around your desk - though not as impossible as you might think.

When I arrived at the dealership, I found a basically deserted service area. The glass cubicle offices were empty. There weren’t even names on the doors because currently they have no service department manager or receptionist. A middle-aged Middle Eastern with understandable diction but a limited (it seemed) ability to comprehend English was manning the counter. I told him what I needed. And then I told him again, but more slowly. After a bit more confusion, I ended up in the garage speaking with a harried young man whose hair style reminded me of Will’s. Too much hair gel and combed back. Will had curly hair and hated it. He was always trying to subdue it. I wondered if the young man had the same problem. Hair gel on men with fine hair gives them a scalpy look, but still reminds me a bit of Al Pacino in The Godfather (either part).

As soon as I managed to ascertain that the part my vehicle needed had indeed arrived, I called Rob to make sure the appointment date would work. He then asked me to inquire after the on order parts for the Avalanche as well (same saga really just shorter time frame, though not by much).

So, I left the Southfort Chevy dealership with one service appointment, Shawn (the young man with the wet look) hot on the trail of the parts for the Avalanche, and the realization that service is a do-it-yourself thing in this neck of the prairie.


*Internet update: Our provider called back last evening! (I wonder if he read my blog?) He finally admitted that there does indeed appear to be something wrong with the receiver on our roof and will be out to look at this weekend but only if Rob clears the snow from the roof. (We have a VERY steep roof and this scares me - and him a little too.) He also has decided not to charge us for the repair. Hurray.

I Hate My Internet Provider

I will probably end up publishing this from the library today because our Internet has been more off than on for the last while. One of the downsides to living out in the country is that you have two options for Internet: dial-up or satellite. The ironic thing is that we live in a probably one of the wealthiest counties in the province and many people choose to live outside the city on acreage's and such but there isn’t any company interested in providing decent amenities to match people’s choices. Of course it comes down again to the peculiar Canadian mindset about service. The attitude is prevailingly “as long as I am still getting paid - no one can make me work any harder than I feel like working”.

Our provider, Albertacom, is a dinky two guy operation located in Edmonton. One of the guy’s has his wife answering the phone and taking messages. That’s the extent of staff. I imagine that the two fellows spend most of their time doing installations, which might explain why they loathe to perform service calls to check on the equipment when something isn’t working properly. Their standard line has been that we need a new router and Rob resisted for a while but haven’t the recent upgrade to the system to make it faster, we went from slow to no internet nearly half the time or better. So, Rob got a new router. It worked for about a day. Then the same old problem - it would go down and stay down. He moved the router from the basement into our office upstairs. Same result. We switched to my old Airport. Same result. In desperation, Rob searched out some programming updates and updated the old router. Nothing.

What we need is for someone to come out and do a service call, but after dozens of calls and emails - they won’t even reply to a message from us anymore.

My advice to anyone in the Edmonton/Fort Saskatchewan area of Alberta is to totally avoid Albertcom as an Internet provider. They are only in it to collect a monthly charge. You won’t get service from them.

Starbucks at the Safeway

Olivia and Wendy are usually the baristas on duty at the Starbucks when I am in Safeway during the week. Because I see them more than any of the others who work there, I asked them to pose for the photo I took when I decided to write about Starbucks. You might wonder, why write about Starbucks? It’s a completely commercial coffee house that is as responsible for the decline of civilization as Wal-mart, strip-malls and mega-plex theatre chains. They sit in nearly every grocery chain and mall and sometimes on multiple street-corners on the same city block. Starbucks is not the real deal but a pretense and so is not unique or special. But that is precisely why I want to write about it. Because they are everywhere. And for that reason, to me, they are special.

My step-daughter, Jordan, refuses to step foot in Starbucks (or its Canadian equivalent Second Cup) because she believe that the company is immoral and exploits poor coffee growers in the third world countries, although this isn’t true of Starbucks - according to what I have read (I don’t know about Second Cup) - I acknowledge that a cup of just about anything at Starbucks’ is priced well over it’s actual value and that what one is really paying for when one does stop and go with the logo cup in had is the stamp of privilege because only those with the time to burn and the cash as well, run into the nearest Starbucks for their morning latte fix. People who are press for time and money, or are too sensible to pay too much money for hot flavored water, stop at the corner gas-mart for the paper (those who are sensible because they read) and a cup of whatever is brewing. I began my chai days with occasional trips to a mom and pop coffee house at the Valley West Mall in West Des Moines. Will loved the mochas and he could talk football with the owner who was a Bears fan but that was okay with Will, at least the guy was devoted and knew his NFL. The little trips made shopping and running errands more palatable for Will and I can’t remember when he got me the first chai latte but I don’t remember taking an instant liking to it. It was too hot. I have never been a fan of anything I had to swallow quickly in order to avoid burning my tongue. I am like that about most foods and beverages really and Will’s standard question during a meal would be “Is that cold enough for you yet, babe?”

The coffee shop eventually moved out of the mall to a strip mall not far from where we lived and it became a Sunday ritual for us that continued until Will went into the nursing home in October of ’04. After that Katy and I would stop there to pick up a mocha to take to him when we went to visit and eventually help with feeding him on weekend mornings and whenever I was on vacation from school. After Will died, I couldn’t bring myself to go there anymore. The couple that ran the place had been so kind to Will when he was still able to go there himself which was a rarity. So many people would pretend he wasn’t present because the didn’t realize he had dementia and his behavior was so odd, or they would give him rude looks and when he failed to notice they would direct them at me. I stopped trying to explain early on. It did no good. I can remember a police officer who overreacted to Will’s agitation once and when I explained what the real matter was, he told me that he didn’t care - just keep my husband back. Will could barely see or walk without assistance at the time.

So, when I moved up to Fort Saskatchewan, I was quite happy to discover that the local grocery, Safeway, had a Starbucks. Just like the Hy-Vee grocery back in Iowa. It was comforting because despite the Canadian version of service (slow) it was the same. The same menu. The same baked goods. The same tastes and smells. The same rotating holiday items for sale. And, if you went often enough, the people would start to know your usual order and eventually ask after you as though they knew you. Amid all the unfamiliar, here was Starbucks - predictable and known. Kind of like the Catholic mass. You go anywhere in the world, walk into a Catholic church and the mass will be pretty much the same everywhere. The same holds true with a non-fat chai latte.